If there is anything that has united our culture over the past couple decades, it’s the love of a good controversy. Of course, we’re very divided about the controversies themselves, but there can be no doubt that we live in a click-bait culture, and nothing drives the clicking instinct like finding a way to make something mundane — say, a pop star attending her boyfriend’s football game, or a candy company changing the shoes of its animated spokes-character — into something outrageous. It basically just means that all too often people are arguing for the sake of arguing, getting angry just to be angry. This aspect of our culture is not to our credit and is far from the way of Jesus. Today’s post is going to focus on the teaching of a certain Abba Matoes, who seems to have had a particular concern for this kind of sin and the way it skews our relationships.
Abba Matoes has a few sayings that hit on this theme, and today I’ll be looking at the final three:
A brother questioned Abba Matoes saying, ‘Give me a word. ‘ He said to him, ‘Go, and pray for God to put compunction in your heart, and give you humility; be aware of your faults; do not judge others but put yourself below everyone; … put unguarded speech far from you; control your tongue and your belly; drink only a small quantity of wine, and if someone speaks about some topic, do not argue with him but if he is right, say, “Yes”; if he is wrong, say, “You know your own mind” and do not argue with him about what he has said. That is humility.’
A brother said to Abba Matoes, ‘Give me a word.’ He said to him, ‘Restrain the spirit of controversy in yourself in everything, and weep, have compunction, for the time is drawing near.’
A brother questioned Abba Matoes saying, ‘What am I to do? My tongue makes me suffer, and every time I’m around people, I cannot control it, but I condemn them in all the good they are doing and reproach them with it. What am I to do?’ The old man replied, ‘… He who dwells with brethren must not be square, but round, so as to turn himself towards all.’
(Abba Matoes 11-13)
While the first saying is couched under the larger topic of humility, his focus is clearly on watching how we speak. He says to avoid “unguarded speech.” The underlying Greek word here is parrhesia, which refers to the confidence to speak one’s mind without consequence or being careful with our words. While the New Testament describes our relationship with God using this word, it’s a lot more dangerous in our interpersonal relationships, because, while God knows our hearts and what we really and truly mean by our words, our brothers and sisters do not. Abba Matoes is not urging dishonesty here, but a humility in both our opinions and in how we voice them.
To the first point, our opinions about things rarely matter. We don’t need to voice them just for the sake of voicing them. And this is in the best-case scenario of us actually having the information we need to have a strong opinion in the first place. For most things in the world, our opinions are going to be only partially informed and highly subjective, so why not hold on to them lightly and not force them into the public discourse? And to the second point, when it is our place to speak, it’s rarely wise, beneficial, or kind to to do so without choosing our words wisely. It’s a bit like how in English, when someone asks if they can be “brutally honest”, they tend to lean into the brutality more than the honesty. That’s what Abba Matoes wants us to avoid. He goes on to tell us not to get into pointless arguments when exposed to others’ opinions. What is good and helpful here, I think, is that he makes it clear that this is true equally when we agree with the opinion as when we don’t. If we agree and join in on spouting off, we just create a feedback loop of reinforcing loud opinions. If we disagree and we take the bait, we’re just getting into an argument. Again, I don’t think this means we need to be entirely conflict avoidant. Change is often necessary and change rarely comes without conflict. The point, though, is that when we speak the truth, we speak the truth in love, with great care over our words, motivations, and attitudes. And, when we are in an exchange of opinions about a topic, to have discernment: if the person with whom we disagree does not ‘have ears to hear’, as Jesus put it, there’s no point in continuing. The argument would be as effective as trying to open a lock with the wrong key.
In the next saying, Abba Matoes exhorts his listener to “restrain the spirit of controversy.” I like the translation ‘controversy’ here because it’s so relevant to our current cultural moment, but the word (philoneikias) could also rightly be translated as ‘argumentativeness’ or ‘love of strife.’ Everything from the previous paragraph applies here too. Don’t take the bait, ‘click-’ or otherwise. It won’t have any positive outcome, and will likely only serve to harden hearts and further break down relationships.
In the final saying attributed to Abba Matoes, he introduces a wonderful metaphor, saying that for all of us who live in community, we cannot be square — boxy, immovable, inflexible, and pointed — but rather must be round — movable, flexible, and smooth. That way, we can turn ourselves towards others. We have sadly become a society of hard angles and rough edges. There is so little grace to smooth us down and soften our interactions. And if anything, the spirit of controversy is so strong among us that it isn’t enough to be squares, but we’re all becoming like many-pointed, but irregularly-shaped stars — not just pointed but awkwardly so.
But we aren’t without choice in this. Abba Matoes’s advice is a welcome voice of reason into this mess. If we care about following Jesus, we have to care about everyone in our community, and that means holding our opinions with an open hand, being open to new and conflicting information, and turning towards, not away, from our neighbours.
May God help us in this work.
Matthew Root 